Point: Why Bush and Cheney Should be "Rules" Men
Ellen Fein and Sherri Schneider, two Manhattenite housewives, wrote a book dictating the Rules that women should abide by if they wanted to find and land a husband. While I resented this book with every ounce of my being (read below and you'll see why), I realized upon further examination that while their doctrines may not be suitable for dating, it may be for applicable for American politicians. I'm a Bush supporter, but I will admit that sometimes he needs to work on his game.
Here is my interpretation of how the current administration can use the Rules to win the everlasting love and affection of the American Public: maybe they'll even close the deal. They have 4 more years, the rules say you only need 2! Read on...
Top 10 Rules:
1. Be a creature unlike any other
Guys, you're politicians: not only that, you're the President and Vice President for Pete's Sake. Everyone is going to watch EVERYTHING you do and scrutinize EVERYTHING you say. You've got to set yourself apart and hold yourself to the highest of standards. W, Rules people don't pay... they don't pay for dinner, they don't pay for sex, and they certainly don't pay to put members of the Press on the payroll to facilitate programming that defines a marriage as one that exists between a woman and a man. Come on man! You can't force feed the biters.
2. Show Up to Parties, Dances and Social Events even if you don't feel like it...
But don't forget to dress appropriately: Cheney, when going to a memorial for the worst case of genocide in the history of the human race, throw on a pair of Tod's and some leather O.J. gloves: would you show up dressed like that on a blind date? I think not.
3. It's a fantasy relationship unless a man asks you out.
"weapons of mass destruction". That's all I have to say about that.
4. In an office romance, do not email him back every time he emails you, unless it is business related.
George, you're a pretty candid guy. Now some people, like myself, take comfort in the fact that you're a man of your word and you "stick to your guns" quite literally, but sometimes your words are hard to articulate. No one likes getting e-mails with spelling errors, and I'm pretty sure you can't use the fact that you're talking from your Blackberry as an excuse.
5. If you are in a long distance relationship, he must visit you three times before you visit him
Well, actually, I like Bush's policy on this rule better: no way do I want terrorists visiting us three times before we visit them.
6. When deciding whether or not to use personal dating ads or other dating services, you should place the ad and let men respond to you.
Maybe it would be nice if the president did some basic PR. Why not take an ad out in every major newspaper to publicly thank the troops and their families now that Iraq is a democratic state? It shows appreciation, and signals the finality of the war in Iraq.
7. If he does not call, he is not that interested. Period.
On a personal note, do the single women of America a huge favor and make this statement a part of your State of the Union address! You may gain more of their support.
8. Close the deal. Rules women do not date men for more than two years.
Ok guys. It's been at least two year since we've been liberating Iraq, and with the general success of the elections held on the 30th, I think it's safe to say we can now put an exit strategy into action. I'm almost certain Iraq isn't planning on buying a ring.
9. Buyer's beware: observe his behavior or else you could end up with Mr. Wrong
Tread lightly if you do in fact get to make any Supreme Court appointments. They have the same power that the "reset" button did on the Original Nintendo Entertainment System: and God knows how hard we cried when we finally found Level 9 in Zelda and the lesser talented sibling hit the reset button out of jealousy. Let's not "reset" our civil liberties as we know them today.
10. Keep doing the rules even when things are slow.
Yes this is your second term and there are no worries for re-election, but keep your relationship with the American public in mind. Who else is going buy your auto-biography in 2009?
tamar
Here is my interpretation of how the current administration can use the Rules to win the everlasting love and affection of the American Public: maybe they'll even close the deal. They have 4 more years, the rules say you only need 2! Read on...
Top 10 Rules:
1. Be a creature unlike any other
Guys, you're politicians: not only that, you're the President and Vice President for Pete's Sake. Everyone is going to watch EVERYTHING you do and scrutinize EVERYTHING you say. You've got to set yourself apart and hold yourself to the highest of standards. W, Rules people don't pay... they don't pay for dinner, they don't pay for sex, and they certainly don't pay to put members of the Press on the payroll to facilitate programming that defines a marriage as one that exists between a woman and a man. Come on man! You can't force feed the biters.
2. Show Up to Parties, Dances and Social Events even if you don't feel like it...
But don't forget to dress appropriately: Cheney, when going to a memorial for the worst case of genocide in the history of the human race, throw on a pair of Tod's and some leather O.J. gloves: would you show up dressed like that on a blind date? I think not.
3. It's a fantasy relationship unless a man asks you out.
"weapons of mass destruction". That's all I have to say about that.
4. In an office romance, do not email him back every time he emails you, unless it is business related.
George, you're a pretty candid guy. Now some people, like myself, take comfort in the fact that you're a man of your word and you "stick to your guns" quite literally, but sometimes your words are hard to articulate. No one likes getting e-mails with spelling errors, and I'm pretty sure you can't use the fact that you're talking from your Blackberry as an excuse.
5. If you are in a long distance relationship, he must visit you three times before you visit him
Well, actually, I like Bush's policy on this rule better: no way do I want terrorists visiting us three times before we visit them.
6. When deciding whether or not to use personal dating ads or other dating services, you should place the ad and let men respond to you.
Maybe it would be nice if the president did some basic PR. Why not take an ad out in every major newspaper to publicly thank the troops and their families now that Iraq is a democratic state? It shows appreciation, and signals the finality of the war in Iraq.
7. If he does not call, he is not that interested. Period.
On a personal note, do the single women of America a huge favor and make this statement a part of your State of the Union address! You may gain more of their support.
8. Close the deal. Rules women do not date men for more than two years.
Ok guys. It's been at least two year since we've been liberating Iraq, and with the general success of the elections held on the 30th, I think it's safe to say we can now put an exit strategy into action. I'm almost certain Iraq isn't planning on buying a ring.
9. Buyer's beware: observe his behavior or else you could end up with Mr. Wrong
Tread lightly if you do in fact get to make any Supreme Court appointments. They have the same power that the "reset" button did on the Original Nintendo Entertainment System: and God knows how hard we cried when we finally found Level 9 in Zelda and the lesser talented sibling hit the reset button out of jealousy. Let's not "reset" our civil liberties as we know them today.
10. Keep doing the rules even when things are slow.
Yes this is your second term and there are no worries for re-election, but keep your relationship with the American public in mind. Who else is going buy your auto-biography in 2009?
tamar
posted by paul at 4:35 PM
1 Comments:
great post.
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